


He's Spark

by Shiny4LoVe



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 3A finale, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 17:32:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1122543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiny4LoVe/pseuds/Shiny4LoVe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn't allow himself to acknowledge, to admit out loud that somehow. The quirky, mouthy boy that had never once, not even from their first meeting backed down from him. That, this boy mattered to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's Spark

**Author's Note:**

> Just having a tidy up of my TW folder in readiness to DL the new eps and came across this. I think I may have written it for my Tumblr, thought I may as well stick it here.
> 
> ETA: So yes this was inspired by this post on [Tumblr](http://thealphasspark.com/post/59036066921/were-you-lonely-maybe-why-is-it-that-all-i) of a beautiful pensive Derek.

Finally understanding what he’s always know. It's just... he'd been so overwhelmed by all that was thrown at him. All he's had to face and deal with...

He couldn't allow himself to acknowledge, to admit out loud that somehow. The quirky, mouthy _boy_ that had never once, not even from their first meeting backed down from him. That, this _boy_ mattered to him. Even at their most antagonistic moments they still somehow, knew, on some indiscernible level that they could rely on each other. They would do their best to keep each other safe.

He doesn't know what Stiles felt all those times. He likes to think that it may have been what he was feeling.  Which isn’t a great deal of help because, he doesn’t know what those feelings were/ _are_. All he does know is the certain inevitability to this. The need to be close to Stiles, to know he was safe.

 

He’s spent so long walling everything in. Keeping everyone at bay, he hadn’t even realised how far through the cracks Stiles had crept. How Stiles was the only person who freely touched him anymore, in play or in comfort. So much so that the shock he’d felt at Stiles concerned touch when _she_ had called him, felt like an alarm bell. The wakeup call he’d needed to get him out of the fog he’d felt surrounded by. He’s sure it was _her_ doing, but he’s still feeling the shame and humiliation of yet again being played, to look too far into that.

The problem is he’s run out of time. He has Cora to think about, the one charge he _has_ been left with. He may not be the Alpha anymore but his responsibilities are still clear to him. She is his to protect and they can’t stay here. They need the space to breathe, to get to know each other. To become family again.

It’s like the last slap to the face, this realisation. This sudden knowledge of what Stiles is what he means to him. It’s too late and he has no one to blame but himself. He could have done something about it earlier. Could have allowed himself to see. He’d had the chance during the summer. Had spent so many hours with Stiles searching for his Beta’s. All the time he’d been fretting and worrying for Erica and Boyd to desperate for any and all help. Not once had he wondered _why_ Stiles was there, _why_ he was helping. He’d just been glad of the help, even if he hadn’t, couldn’t verbalise it to Stiles.

 

Now, now Stiles has Scott as his Alpha. He’s father back home and safe. He doesn’t need Derek, never did. What can he bring to the table, he’s nothing but broken, damaged. Fissures running so deep within he’s psyche that he’d been nothing but a burden.

No.  Stiles doesn’t need him, he needs to be a teenager. Study, worry about what college he’ll go to. Not trying to put his puzzle pieces together. He can’t rely on Stiles to be the one to fix him. He needs to fix himself. Maybe then, he could come back but not before. He won’t be a weight pulling Stiles down, he wants to be the one to keep him afloat. Right now he’s still to lost, not strong enough to be that for him. But, he could be. He wants to be. He finally has something to anchor him here, his spark. It’s just not in the form he thought it would be.

 

He wants and needs to be strong enough, brave enough to let it ignite.

**Author's Note:**

> My first foray into tw writing I really don't think I can do Stiles justice but I may give this more of a go. Hope it was ok :)


End file.
